The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
