nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
