I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
