I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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