Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
