My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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