hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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