Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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