It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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