Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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