Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
