my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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