I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
