she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
