Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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