i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
