you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
