I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
