Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
