Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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