I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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