Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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