well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I believe in your delicious
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
