drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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