I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
