We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
