things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
