Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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