I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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