in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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