i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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