3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
