I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am full of burrito and curiosity
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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