She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
