I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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