no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
