my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
