That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
