does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They took my balls.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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