when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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