I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
