sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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