i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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