My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.