It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He better not be in your backpack
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me