Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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