And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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