it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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