she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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