My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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