these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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