Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
