so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
