I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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