I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
