Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
