I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
