i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
