My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
