Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
