hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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