I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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