Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
