Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
