New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
