Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
