I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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