I wanna bring you to show and tell
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
