Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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