I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
