you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
