I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
