Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
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Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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