my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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